them apples are sour

The last week or so has been such a whirlwind of emotions and exhaustion, good and bad, that I am not even sure where to begin.

Sometimes I feel like I make mole hills into mountains. I wouldn't say that I am a control freak but I like feeling in control of my life. Enter children. It's the same song that has been sung by millions of mothers before me and millions more to come. Being a mother is hard. Not being able to fix the problem is hard. Seeing your children suffer is hard. Suffering because your children are suffering is hard. Your huband suffering because you are suffering because your children are suffering is hard. Enter Dental School. I realized today that this experience is harder than I thought it would be for one main reason. Darin and I are both carrying very heavy loads; equally important and equally overwhelming and exhausting. Sometimes it is hard to bear my burden when I sometimes want to dump it on his already weary shoulders. It's hard knowing that there is nothing I can do to help bear his burden but love him and keep him fed and help him stay on track without sounding naggy. I am learning to find new mother/wife strengths. It's good.

That said Toby is not getting his tubes in this week. Sparing the boring unimportant details, his insurance ends two days before the procedure was scheduled. I was on the phone all day to no avail. Needles to say, I was an emotional wreck. This poor child has had six double ear infections in six months and a flu that sent him to the emergency room for the third time in three months. How sick can one child be? I am grateful that it is nothing more severe but it is our lot and it is hard to swallow. That surgery was going to be our cure all! Will we get his insurance back? Will we have to pay out of pocket? We barely have an income! AGH!? I'll keep you posted.

The terrible two's have hit for Toby. Without fail every single morning he has anywhere from a 10 minute to hour and half fit usually over breakfast. He'll be as happy as a clam in his crib and then I take him downstairs and we must cross some magnetic field that trips him off. I am working on a solution to prevent the fit from starting. I'll keep you posted.

Holden is teething in what seems to be mammoth proportions. Nothing has popped through but he is swollen all the way across the top and bottom and waking up anywhere from 2-5 times a night. I'll keep you posted.

Toby started having a runny nose and sneezing this morning after waking up in the middle of the night crying for me(VERY unusual for him) and has already, TWICE tonight, done the same thing. He has only been in bed for and hour and a half. I am PRAYING that it is two year molars and not allergies or a cold that will induce yet another ear infection. I'll keep you posted.

I could write more but I am exhausted. I'll keep you posted.

***3am update*** I have been up 3 times already. Toby has a cough that sounds like barking. Great. I'll be trying to squeeze him in to a drs office today before his insurance ends for a last ditch can you write me a prescription so I can get it filled before I lose his insurance tomorrow and you can just tell me what to look out for so that I can give it to him when it is necessary visit. Ear infections here we come....SSSSIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHH

Holden is wide awake. Not typical, but he decided that he is a newborn and pooped so I had to change it and he can't get back to sleep yet. I am SO glad I bought that extra red bull yesterday!